To The Mamas in the Making

Several women in my life have just had or are currently expecting their first baby. I feel so excited and happy for them – and completely understand the looks of fatigue on their faces as some of them enter their final stretch of pregnancy. 

I was visiting one such mama-in-the-making last night, having dropped off a meal for her freezer, and we were talking a bit about the early days of having a newborn. 

I told her how in my experience, the first 4-6 weeks with a newborn felt like living in a baby bubble, under a veil of fog.  It was its own very specific time, equal parts wonder and worry and exhaustion.  After a month or so, I remember feeling that the veil had lifted and having a new flow of life with this tiny, life-changing little person started to feel somewhat possible. 

Last month, I was at a baby shower celebrating another mama-in-the-making. A notebook was passed around for us to write our well-wishes and advice to the parents-to-be.  I thought for a few moments – what to write that wouldn’t sound trite? – and started writing.  Without meaning to, I looked up a while later to realize I had filled three pages with my advice! 

I’d like to share it here, in case it speaks to anyone else.  Perhaps it can speak to others even if they are not in this particular walk of life.

 I wrote:

“Dear [friends],

I am so happy for both of you! Your life is about to change in the biggest and best way.

Here is some random advice and thoughts for you:

1. Give yourself the first 4 to 6 weeks to be in just pure survival mode.  You will feel like you’re in a fog the first month – but then the fog will clear and you will feel like you can do this.
   
2. Your priorities will shift. Embrace this unapologetically. Your job won’t be as important, you will say “no” to some things, you will protect your time and your family differently – and you absolutely should do this!
   
3. Give yourself permission to lower your standards at work. I guarantee your “good enough” is more than enough. Be present while you are at school, and then go home and be present with your family.
   
4. When people offer you help or food, say yes.
   
5. You will make mistakes, and that is okay. Love your baby, love yourself, and love each other. Everything else will work itself out.
   
6. Enjoy the last couple months of “before.” Everything from here on out will be “before” and “after.”
   
7. Each stage has parts that are amazing and parts that are so hard, but for better or worse, no stage lasts forever.

You’ve got this! And the people around you have got you. Let me come help and bring you food.

With love,

Laura

It’s a wonder that such a little person can change your life in such monumental, irrevocable, and permanent ways. My universe has a different center of gravity than it did before I became a mom.  It’s the most amazing, wonderful, difficult, life-giving, exhausting, humbling thing I have ever done. 

To the mamas-in-the-making out there, you’re going to do great. Enjoy the ride. You’ve got this, and we’ve got you.

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This piece is part of the #SOL24 March Slice of Life Story Challenge hosted by the Two Writing Teachers.